you only called me beautiful after i told you “hot” and “sexy” didn’t make me feel good. i really wish i wasnt so stupid as to think for one second that someone like you, as beautiful and great as you, would want someone like me. sometimes i feel like dying. i dont feel like anyone will want me.  im not worth it at all. i was stupid. i am stupid. to think id be good enough for anyone that i would want. im nothing. i deserve nothing. im worthless. i wished you wanted me. just me. i felt something when we first met. but it wasnt what you felt, as i know now. i wish i didnt misinterpret it. im so stupid.

i have low self esteem and no confidence. i hate my body, and i hate everything about myself. i hate how i can care about people that couldn’t care less about me. i hate that i believe there is any good left in anyone. stupid, right ? this World has gone to shit and i’m apart of it. i can’t do anything to change it, my efforts make no difference. i hate that i still try at anything and that i think someone can actually have feelings for me. who would do that ? i don’t know either. i can’t stand life the majority of the time because i let it get so bad. i’m nothing and i can finally see that. i’ll probably be deleting this blog soon. what’s the point of keeping up with something that doesn’t matter, or with a person that means nothing. i don’t know how i could have been so stupid and thought anybody would actually have wanted me or chosen me. i’m nothing worth anybodies time.

i just want to feel wanted.

it really aches how badly i want you and how you just don’t want me. you’re done using me and don’t have to tell me what i want to hear anymore. i don’t know why i do this to myself. i wonder why my confidence is so fucking low. i can’t just “oh well” it. because it really does fucking hurt. i’m so worthless. why am i here.

happy birthday. wish i could say more than that, but you’re probably celebrating with other girls and having a good time. i’m not in that picture, so. yeah.

and then i met you. i don’t know what it is, i just felt this connection. and i think that’s why i’m so weird about this. i want you so bad in everyway that i’ll settle for any part of you. i’ve never felt this way before. i’ve never felt so unsettled happily. why is the World so mysterious. and i’ll probably never see you again. what a way to break a Heart.

i’m not the kind of girl to grovel, and it’s obvious you really don’t want much to do with me or if you do you’ve a funny way of showing it. so, see ya. that was interesting.

you are confusing the fuck out of me. i really which i was something more than a fucking booty call…but i’ll take what i can get i guess…

i just want you to talk to me. i don’t give a fuck if we get all fiubjcbjhbfkfh. i just want you to see me.

i still wish life would’ve let go of my karma and let mebe happy. see if something was there. but it’s clear you’ve nothing towards me.  you’re so great, and i’m not apparently. why do i have to be so annoying or something. i don’t deserve anything.